The other option is Beijing’s notorious bus ladies. Theres one seated about 3/4 way down on every bus, unhelpful and so fierce and dedicated they lean out the window and abuse tardy taxis, trucks or bicycles.

I have puzzled a bit at why we couldnt just adopt the Octupus system here in Melb. Its great you can top up anywhere or online and also use it to buy things other than transport. It would go great in Melb to swipe going through the turnstile for a daily ticket and a coffee.

I think I had heard that the problem in Melb is that the storage cards work ok on fixed turnstiles but have trouble on moving ones with multiple entry like trams - anyone know?

I always have about my person at least one 10 x daily trip tickets. Mostly I validate and check my ticket - often I don’t. Sometimes because I forget. Others times I can’t get to the machine and sometimes I revert to the sullen teenager stance. The latter is usually when I see inspectors harrassing people.

I cannot see any need for inspectors to go around in packs of six looking and acting like undertrained bouncers at a beer hall.

I do remember the old days of conductors. Not all were models of helpfulness. Many of them just sat up the front half asleep. Other harrassed schoolkids. Some just perved on young women. A few helped old ladies and mums with pushers. One delightful one on Glenferrie Road did juggling and jokes and magic.

But one thing they did have which was important beyond the immediate revenue raising - they pretty much all assumed that you wanted to buy a ticket if reminded and given the oppurtunity.

Bringing back conductors on every tram is a nonsense - for example St Kilda road peak hour trams don’t even stop at some stops because they can’t even squash one more passenger on . And I reckon most of us want an automatic system like HKs Octopus.

One thing is clear though the conductors built up a wonderfull image of trams - even if not quite accurate - its this image that is important in carry over good feelings toward paying the fare.

I’d scrap the horrible inspectors and replace them with roving connies who may pop up on various non full trams and help people and sell tickets and assume everyone had good intentions - I’m sure it would actually increase fare compliance by the overflow of brand goodwill.

Trains are generally the worst and so maybe the conductor rule would not apply in these cases anyway. The visible presence of the tram driver and the presence of other passengers in a tram probably has a pacifying and civilising effect.

It is very frustrating that ticket inspectors never seem to be bothered by rubbish or abusive passengers, but rather simply target people who have infringed ticketing laws.

In this respect, I have often thought, a continuous presence on board the trams or trains by a conductor would be quite useful, and maybe this is the cause of nostalgia for conductors.

Conductors may not be viable for a number of reasons, but as a passenger and commuter I do resent being continually hectored and ‘educated’ by the government and transport owners as to my obligations on public transport, in a failing effort to target the small minority who occasionally make tram and train use a misery for others by spreading rubbish everywhere, or abusing us.

Any solution to these social, rather than economic problems would inevitably boost numbers of public transport users and hence the revenue earned by Connex.